Used To Be
by Alianne Potter-Black
Summary: written for the writing quotes challenge. Percy reflects on courage in a way . Takes place after DH. Rated for language and thoguhts of suicide


_This was a response for the Writing quotes challenge on the Harry Potter Fanfiction Challenges forum. It was my first such response and I am happy to say that I am quite proud of the resulting story. If you were wondering, the prompts were:_

Post-It, 2. Cinema, 3. Car, 4. Lights, 5. Swim.

_But I'm not sure if I used them right._

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Used To Be

You step out of the Leaky Cauldron into the dark night that is muggle London. The lights from the cars passing you by are nearly blinding and you wonder how anyone can drive when looking at so many lights all at once. For a split moment you consider just stepping in front of one of those moving death traps, but the thought is fleeting and you discard it before it has even finished running through your mind.

It's entirely your fault. You know it and no matter how much George may try to deny it, you know the truth and you wish more than anything that it had been you. You, who was placed in the wrong house, with not a single speck of bravery or courage; you, who have lived in the shadows all of your life; you are the reason your best friend is dead.

It used to be the three of you: them-the leaders, the ones who did all of the planning, and you- the one that usually got in trouble for it (you were older and had more sense, and should have known better). And then something changed, and what used to be three became two, and the more you look back, the easier it is to see when it happened-it was fifth year and you were a prefect and O.W.L.S were coming up, and you just didn't have time for them and their games. You didn't have time to try to find ways to convince the cute girl in the village to go to the cinema with you, or go swimming in the lake in the middle of winter. The only real things you had time for were studying and prefect duties, and –damn! - When did you become so boring?

And then, after you left Hogwarts and found the job that you had always wanted, you all but said that you didn't need them anymore. And while you were busy having it out with Dad, they were in your room, booby-trapping most of your possessions to do weird things like bite you or turn into a canary. But even more than that, they found a way to make all of you possessions that weren't going to annoy the living crap out of you, to say the same things, over and over again- "_Have the courage to live. Anyone can die." _because- and whether you believed it then or not- they were terrified that you had chosen death and pride over family, and they didn't want to lose you.

For two long years, you ignored them. You walked passed them on the streets, never making eye contact. You watched the shop grow and flourish without ever taking a step inside, except for once, when it was busy and they were in the back, and you walked in and out without ever talking to one person, or picking up one object. You ignored all the notes they sent you- all easily recognizable due to the neon pink stationary that they used- the ones Muggles call 'Post-it's'. But there was one you couldn't ignore-it wasn't posted to your door, it just fell out of the air really- but it said- _'He's at Hogwarts, we're fighting, Come soon, please-F'_ and you did. You dropped everything- literally dropped it on the floor- and ran to the fire place, before realizing you didn't know where to go, but somehow you got there, and everyone was there- even Little Ginny- who wasn't quite so little any more. And you smiled as they all welcomed you back, but deep inside, you knew that this was the last time, you'd see all of your family together.

Flash forward to the end of The Battle- Fred is dead, and you had to tell George; Mum has just killed her child hood best friend; and nobody knows where Harry and Ginny, Ron and Hermione have run off to. You sit there looking at your little brother (your _dead_ little brother, you try to say, but can't form the word, even in your head) thinking all the time 'it should have been me'. At the funeral, you sit a ways away from your family and wish that it was you in that wooden box instead of the enigmatic, happy, lovable young man that will forever be twenty years(, one month, and one day) old.

Flash forward again to today- 22 August, 1998, your twenty-third birthday. It used to be that you looked forward to your birthday-the one day of the year that you weren't overshadowed by your five brothers and baby sister. Now, you were helping George in the shop again, and you were just starting to close up before going to the Burrow for a birthday dinner when you found something insignificant- a canary crème or something like that- but, it made you freeze for a grand total of twenty-three seconds, and it occurred to you that Fred will never get to be twenty-three.

You ran to the Leaky Cauldron and through it before Tom could even say "hello'" and as you run down the streets of Muggle London, you wish once more to just end all of your pain because Fred is gone and everyone is so worried about Ron and Ginny and George, that you get left in the shadows once again. And as you bolt across the street-lights and cars and everything else be damned- you see a bright pink Post-It note on the front door of your building and you just have to know what it says before you end it all- you've made your decision and you're going to do it tonight after dinner when you get home, figure you can _Avada Kadavra_ yourself and never feel a thing and no one will miss the shadow brother (none of them really cared that you were back other than Fred anyways, and you'll be with him soon enough).

Slowly, you approach the door, nerves catching up to you for some reason you don't quite get. You close your eyes tightly, not ready to see what is on the note.

Slowly, you reach for the note, almost scared to read what it says.

Slowly, you open your eyes and look around, hoping nobody is around to see any potential moments of weakness you may or may not have.

Slowly, _very_ slowly, you read what the note says-

"_**Have the courage to live. Anyone can die. - George**_

_**p.s. Thanks for the help this week"**_

Slowly, you fall to the ground in tears.

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**Forty-five years later**

As Lucy Weasley watched her father be lowered into the ground for the final time, she thought back to the speech her older sister Molly had made earlier that day about how much her father had done in his sixty-eight years of life and just how courageous he was. Lucy had always believed that her father was brave, not because he left his family and came back-which she truly did admire- but because he stuck with the one thing he had instilled in his two 'greatest acts of courage'- he had taught his girls to live their lives and not dwell on the death that one day awaits us all. Lucy looked at her fathers gravestone- just as simple as those around it with his name, birth and death dates and a quote, the one he claims saved his life that summer after the Great Battle of Hogwarts, though he never told her exactly how- and she knew what she would be saying at the wake- "The bravest thing my father ever did, was he didn't give up, ever."

_Percy Weasley_

_1976-2044_

_Have the courage to live, anyone can die_

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_Please, please review and tell me if it was okay. _

_Thanks and enjoy,_

_Aliey_


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